Wednesday, 10 September 2014

Radical manners - sage advice from a Stoic

There have been some challenging posts recently on radical hospitality, a practice I have long observed in operation at my parents' home and a habit for which the Greeks and Cypriots, amongst whom I was fortunate enough to live for many years, are rightly known.

      Alongside radical hospitality perhaps we also need radical manners. I don't say that out of entrapment in English sensibilities, the Greek Stoic philosopher Epictetus commented on the matter long ago. It seems unlikely that it is possible to suddenly become 'radically hospitable' if you first haven't cultivated a disposition that looks away from the self. I suspect that it is easier to give if you have learned not to take, and to offer with a generous hand if you know not to grasp or demand.

        So, here's the 'radical' Epictetus' as seen in  The Enchiridion

Remember that you must behave in life as at a dinner party. Is anything brought around to you? Put out your hand and take your share with moderation. Does it pass by you? Don't stop it. Is it not yet come? Don't stretch your desire towards it, but wait till it reaches you. Do this with regard to children, to a wife, to public posts, to riches, and you will eventually be a worthy partner of the feasts of the gods. And if you don't even take the things which are set before you, but are able even to reject them, then you will not only be a partner at the feasts of the gods, but also of their empire. For, by doing this, Diogenes, Heraclitus and others like them, deservedly became, and were called, divine. 


A couple of other nuggets from Epictetus while we're at it:

If a person gave your body to any stranger he met on his way, you would certainly be angry. And do you feel no shame in handing over your own mind to be confused and mystified by anyone who happens to verbally attack you? 

 Is anyone preferred before you at an entertainment, or in a compliment, or in being admitted to a consultation? If these things are good, you ought to be glad that he has gotten them; and if they are evil, don't be grieved that you have not gotten them. And remember that you cannot, without using the same means [which others do] to acquire things not in our own control, expect to be thought worthy of an equal share of them. For how can he who does not frequent the door of any [great] man, does not attend him, does not praise him, have an equal share with him who does? You are unjust, then, and insatiable, if you are unwilling to pay the price for which these things are sold, and would have them for nothing. For how much is lettuce sold? Fifty cents, for instance. If another, then, paying fifty cents, takes the lettuce, and you, not paying it, go without them, don't imagine that he has gained any advantage over you. For as he has the lettuce, so you have the fifty cents which you did not give. So, in the present case, you have not been invited to such a person's entertainment, because you have not paid him the price for which a supper is sold. It is sold for praise; it is sold for attendance. Give him then the value, if it is for your advantage. But if you would, at the same time, not pay the one and yet receive the other, you are insatiable, and a blockhead. Have you nothing, then, instead of the supper? Yes, indeed, you have: the not praising him, whom you don't like to praise; the not bearing with his behavior at coming in. 

* Picture from here:

No comments:

Post a Comment